loop

Another year is almost gone. Depending on when you started your year, I suppose. But, if we were to start on January the first (just for order’s sake), another year is almost gone.

Another year is almost gone.

Another month is almost gone. Another week is almost gone. Another day is almost gone. Another hour, a minute, a second. More time is almost gone.

More time is already gone.

Think of all the things that we measure with time.

Four years of school, two years dedicated to a relationship, owning a car for six years, shooting film for 15 years, shooting digital for three, owning your mother’s set of pots for one year, having a little brother for 19 years…

It’s been 18 years since I’ve had a Barbie doll. It’s been 12 hours since I last read my current book. It’s been over a year since I’ve been on a skateboard. It’s been 18 minutes since I smiled. It’s been three minutes since my last Snicker’s bar. It’s been five days since I last masturbated. It’s been one day since I’ve worn cowboy boots. It’s been 11 hours since I’ve last thought of school.

Everything we do we relate to with time. Even in recalling an event, we may say “I remember the time…”

I don’t really know where I’m going with this. My mind started to wander about once I started to think of a new year coming, the passage of time and what it means to me, you and everyone else. Do you know what it means to you? It means different things to me at different times. When I’m sad, I may think of happier times and relate to them as though that time is a dead space, an event I’ll never again experience, because it was unique to that block of time and is truly original. I’ll think of the people, my perspective, the place. I think of how my perspective was different then because I hadn’t been given the time yet to learn what I know now.

I often think of the time that I’ve spent with people, how that time was spent with people. Did we realize in those moments that we were giving a part of our lives to each other? Did we realize that we would never get that time back? Did we treat it like so? Did we educate ourselves? Did we make someone laugh? Did we offer criticism, lend an ear, give a hug? Did you take in the minute details of your lover’s body, and appreciate that, like time, this body is gloriously singular and unique?

All of these things, all of these moments, all of this time causes me to give pause at the end of…  whatever.

A decade, a year, a season, a degree, a relationship, a lease, a train ride, a film, a photo, a blog entry, a story.

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